there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize