Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
