So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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