EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
