Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
