So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
