Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
