He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
