just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
