Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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