You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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