You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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