guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
