I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
