you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize