Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
