Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
