dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
