Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
