I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
