I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
