Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
