youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
