I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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