I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
