the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
