I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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