I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize