still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
