CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
