why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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