Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
