summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize