I look better un-naked...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
