I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
