I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
