so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
