I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
