My boss' voice literally gives me gas
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
