I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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