I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
