Your face is a jimmy john
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
operation have a gay friend backfired
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
