Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
