So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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