Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
