So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
