I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
