i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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