Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
