You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
