He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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