I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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