He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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