wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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