Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
