he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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