My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
