somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mouth tastes like poor choices
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
