Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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