So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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