I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize