that's an acceptable place to lick
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
