Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
