I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
soo... how was my night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
