I'm gonna have a badass scar
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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