Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
