my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
