Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
