I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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