glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
