google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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