i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
