Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
FUCK WHALES
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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