Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize