dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
