Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
