mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
