So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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