This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
