i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
