im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
