it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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