I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
