What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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