he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
