i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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