The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
