You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
