So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
