I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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