Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
