1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
