Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Houston, we have a blender
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
