Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
