she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
