Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
