ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
