The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
