your parents love me but you hate me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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