Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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