I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
