If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
