you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
