So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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