If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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