my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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